Exercise and other Foolishness
When asked if he ever took any exercise, Mark Twain replied that he didn't, as he could
see no benefit in being tired.

So it is with me. I do not exercise. I don't intend to exercise. Based on the results I have seen others achieve, I have concluded that good health, is just the slowest rate at which you can die. I will take some pleasure at seeing all those exercise nuts someday lying in a hospital bed, dying of nothing in particular. Generally healthy, but dying all the same. No matter how hard you try to stay healthy, that will ultimately be your reward. Death, due to nothing you can name. How sad, not to be able to let the relatives know, that you really had something seriously wrong with you. Exercised all your life, and kicked off at 70 anyway.

When Aunt Ethel comes to visit, and asks, "What's wrong with you boy?" You will have to respond that you have no idea, just dying, but with great muscle tone. I would much rather cultivate a long illness, that I could hold over my children for years, as I became noticeably worse. Think of the fun you'd miss being healthy. Can't blame the wife. Can't heap guilt on the young'uns. Can't hold court about what you should have done, pontificating on how you could have quit smoking, could have starting eating right, could have stopped drinking, could have listened to, or even visited the doctor. You'd miss out on all of these activities, by exercising and being healthy. Then you would die anyway.

I don't know how many fools I have seen out running, sweating and struggling up a hill. They always have a very unhappy look on their face. Several of them have dropped dead while on these health runs. Fifty year old guys, suddenly realizing that youth has slipped away. Falsely believing that they can start running, and thereby improve their chances at longevity. I wonder what goes through their minds as they see the world around them going black, and the sidewalk rushing towards their nose? That last second of consciousness must bring with it the knowledge that running was truly a dumb idea.

Where we live, the temperature and humidity both hover around 90 degrees for six months of the year. Even young people shouldn't be out running in those conditions. I am convinced that your best bet for staying healthy, is watching old movies while sitting on the couch. Drink a beer, have a smoke, settle in with a big bag of chips, and watch as many hours of old movies as you can. If you nap for a while, all the better. Most health nuts worry themselves to death. They are constantly worried about not eating the right foods, not exercising enough, not being good enough in all things righteous. It fills them with guilt. While missing out on the joys of life, fills them with frustration. They live in a state of emotional turmoil, guaranteed to cause an early death, regardless of how much exercise they perform.

The true secret to long life is a satisfied mind. Your body responds quickly with enzymes, hormones, and various chemicals whenever the brain is in conflict. There is no telling what else it may pump into your system in an agitated state.

On the other hand, the proof is all around you. Truly long lived people don't worry about what they eat, drink, or do each day. That is the secret. While you are counting reps, some ninety four year old codger is sitting on his porch smoking his pipe, unconcerned about damn near everything. When he sees the sun start down, he may wonder a little about what the old woman fixed for supper, but he ain't worried about it. He knows it will be on the table, and he'll eat as much as he feels like. In the morning he'll take a healthy one, and repeat his activities of the previous day. So it goes. Some day he'll die of something that he didn't know he had, but it won't matter because he will not have spent anytime worrying about it. Probably lived longer because he received no treatment, and therefore no medicine for his condition. Sometimes the treatment is a good deal worse than the disease.

I know, I've seen perfectly healthy happy people, brought down by the drugs that were supposed to cure them. "Old Bill was never the same after they started giving him those shots, and radiating his butt three times a month." I am sure you could fill in the name of some dead acquaintance of your's in that sentence, who also succumbed to treatment. Treatment probably brought about by some exercise his body rebelled against.

Not me. I'll stay with a regimen of life that suits me, not one that worries me. There will always be those who will try to change you. They will take the pleasure out of your life, and replace it with the bland sameness of conformity, disguised as a membership at the gym. Don't let them, unless you want to die early, of nothing in particular.